I’m in my second year at Santa Rosa Junior College. I see people laughing and playing around in front of the library. Everyone looks normal and comfortable, the same way I looked when I first arrived from Hong Kong. New to America, I thought people would be as pure as my classmates in Hong Kong. Americans are easy to talk to and everyone seems friendly. Everything was going well in my life until late October of 2016.

I liked him, so when he called and asked me to go out, I chose to trust him, even though it was 2 a.m. He said he had something to tell me. He picked me up and drove me to his friend’s house. He handed me a glass of straight rum and asked me to drink it. I didn’t think twice, I drank. I was buzzed. He carried me to his friend’s room. He started taking off his clothes. He also asked me to do so, but I didn’t. I said, “No.”

He said, “It’s alright. We can do it.” I refused to take off my clothes.

He tried to pull off my pants. I struggled and pushed him away. I was feeling sick and threw up on the bed.

He turned on the light. He asked why I kept refusing and called me a bitch.

I felt sick and confused. He pulled off the covers. He turned off the light and sexually assaulted me with his finger because I wouldn’t let him take my pants all the way off. After that, I fell asleep, still a bit drunk. The next day when I woke up and went to the restroom, I was bleeding.

It was so painful. I felt like I was not a virgin anymore. I wanted to use my cellphone to call my friends, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I was raped.

What makes it painful is not wanting my parents and family to know about what happened. I know they love me so much, being an only child. My parents in Hong Kong are the kindest people in the world. How will they feel knowing that I have been raped in America?

I didn’t care about what did to me, I cared about how my father would feel because he cares about me so much. I worried about what my family would think of me.

One month later, I grew depressed and it lasted for half a year. I felt trapped, like it would never end. I felt like I was unable to see my future. Fear doesn’t solve problems, so I chose to talk with a friend I trust. She has been supportive, reminding me there is always someone who cares.

I know this happened more than a year ago, but sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday.I am writing about this now because most of my friends have had similar experiences, worrying about how others will judge them.

In our society, people blame the victims. Some of them might blame me for going out at 2 a.m. or drinking and think that’s reason enough to be raped. Women are often told, “You wear too short of dresses,” or “You come home too late. That’s why you deserve to be sexually assaulted.” It’s difficult for some to understand how hurtful this viewpoint is when it comes to victim blaming.

For my friends who have experienced sexual assault, the person who should be blamed 100 percent is the person committing the rape. Don’t blame yourselves because you chose to trust them. You know that you have tried your best to overcome the bad memories. There is nothing wrong with you. Please don’t change who you are no matter what experiences you have been through in life.