Tucker Lang

Yes, this may read as if it is a click-bait article, and if you thought that, you are correct. 

As former Editor-in-Chief Zane Zinkl’s “Top 10 cigarettes I smoked in Europe” hits over 93,000 views, The Oak Leaf is left with a bad taste in its mouth. After being published in September of 2019, the infamous article has swept the charts on The Oak Leaf’s click-count, leaving many editors shocked and confused. 

“I’m baffled that this secondhand-smoke-laced article is still the No. 1 hit!” Editor Nick Vides said. “If anyone (on the staff) can write an article that topples this record, I’ll eat my hat.”

Editor Lauren Spates said, “I don’t even understand how this is possible. He must have written a bot that auto-clicks at a certain rate per day. There’s just no way.”

The article has been first place on the monthly hits list for a consecutive 18 months, with few articles challenging it for sheer click-count.

“I’d like to be able to say I’m proud of every article my students publish. But in this case, I can’t say that,” said Adviser Anne Belden.

“Please, everybody, smoke for yourselves and find out which cigarette is best for you instead of bothering with this outdated article the author wrote only to justify a vacation,” Assistant Editor Michael Combs said, whose Measure P article was a couple hundred views short late last year of reaching the No. 1 spot for the month. 

“I wasn’t even a part of The Oak Leaf when that article was published, yet it still haunts me whenever I write my own,” said Tucker Lang, Oak Leaf social media editor. 

“Five free online games to play on Zoom with friends,” an article written by Co-Editor-in-Chief Alex Fuller, is in a distant second place as its lifetime click count stands at 23,000. 

“My article hasn’t even come close to that stupid cigarette one. I wasn’t even trying to surpass it, but come on,” she said.

Not all are disappointed in the article’s performance. “I actually think the article is pretty funny,” Co-Editor-in-Chief James Domizio said.

For now, Nick’s hat will remain squarely on his head and not in his stomach. So please, help us make Nick eat his hat. Click on this article, click on it again, send it around your COVID-19 bubble and help defeat the smoky article.