From pre-rolls to half-ounces to edibles and more, dispensaries are the grown-up version of a candy shop — only stuffing yourself full of gummies will get you stoned, not sick.
Your first time in a dispensary should make you feel like you smoked a good hybrid: energized enough that you’re vibrating as you walk in the door, yet so relaxed that you barely trust your legs to get you back out. But with dispensaries looking more like mazes than maps nowadays, it’s almost inevitable to find yourself lost in the smoke.
Allow me to clear the air for you, my faded friend. With this guide, you’ll be wading through the wilderness of weed in no time.
I’m at the dispensary. Now what?
Walking into a cannabis cornucopia, you’ll be welcomed with open arms. The stereotype of the friendly stoner exists for a reason — expect to be embraced not only by the fragrance of the flower but by the warm presence of the person selling it to you.
Before you can fill your basket (and your lungs) to your heart’s content, you’ll need to show the receptionist your I.D., much like you would in a bar. If you’re an adult under 21 (and therefore don’t know how bars work… right?), you’ll need a medical marijuana card.
Med cards are essentially physician-warranted, state-issued seals of approval to buy and smoke weed legally. They also alleviate the hefty taxes that apply to recreational sales, so consider getting one even if you’re over 21 to save yourself the cost of a couple eighths.
After authenticating your adulthood, you’ll be able to enter the actual store. Most dispensaries still operate like a pharmacy, with all the product hidden in plain sight for budtenders to retrieve, but some have inched closer to the world of retail.
Dispensaries like Jane and The Sweet Spot mirror the layout of regular stores with aisles you can browse and products you can take off the shelves and to the register.
Behind the bar are budtenders – weed wizards there to guide you through every step of your journey. They can help you figure out what strain and type of weed would be best for you based on what kind of high you’re looking for.
While you’re there, take advantage of the first-time patient discounts that most dispensaries offer. This can be anything from a joint to a $5 coupon, so be sure to enjoy everyone’s favorite kind of weed: free.
Flower, carts, edibles, oh my!
Long gone are the days of buying weed off someone’s Snapchat story. Now, your selection is limited only by your wallet. If you can dream it, you can smoke it.
If you’re looking for plain ol’ weed:
- Regular flower: This is your classic marijuana, as seen in Cheech & Chong sketches. Available from a gram to an ounce, this will come as a bag or jar of buds.
- Smalls: Usually from the same batch as the regular flower, smalls are the runts of the litter. They’re typically the same quality, only half the size (and price) as full buds.
- Pre-ground/shake: Exactly what it sounds like — pre-ground flower is cheaper than whole buds, but can be dry and less potent. Great for when you want to roll more green than you spend.
- Pre-rolls: All of the fun for none of the work, these can be sparked the second you walk out the door. Some are infused with kief, diamonds or other forms of THC concentrate — a fancy way to describe pot so potent it’ll send you to the stratosphere faster than you can say, “tetrahydrocannabinol.” Available as half-grams, grams or larger.
If you’re looking for something to concentrate on:
- Carts: These regulated bad boys are what the kid in the back of your high school math class wished he was ripping. Cartridges are containers for concentrated cannabis oil (say that three times quickly) that are sold either as disposables or as the fun part of a two-piece set that requires a separate battery. These contain much higher concentrations of THC than flower — and are much easier to smoke — so be careful not to get lost in the sauce. Available in half-grams and grams.
- Dabs: Shatter, wax, budder, badder, rosin, resin, crumble — no, I didn’t make any of these up and yes, they all describe essentially the same thing. Dabs are about as potent as you can get; as pure THC concentrate, they’re usually reserved for the more experienced stoner. Available in half-grams and grams.
If you wanna munch before you get the munchies:
- Snacks: They’re classics for a reason. Gummies, chocolates, cookies and even chips, edibles are available in a variety of flavorful forms. They can come in doses as low as 5mg, and as any budtender or seasoned stoner will tell you: start low, and if you don’t feel anything, wait longer.
- Drinks: Putting the high in hydrated, options like sodas, lemonades and mocktails usually range from 15mg all the way up 100mg if your tolerance is toast.
- Mints/gum: Your oral fixation just got higher. If you’re looking to microdose, look no further: This is where you’ll find doses as low as 1 or 2mg. Just don’t get ‘em mixed up with your Extra!
- Tabs/capsules: The exact opposite of mints and gum: This is the weed version of bringing a flail to a fist fight. Filled with pure THC concentrate and reaching doses of up to 100mg per pill, one of these bad boys would have Donkey Kong KO’d in a second.
Not nearly as bad as The Cheesecake Factory menu, right?
Dispensaries are more than a place to buy cannabis; they’re a place to create community. Being a regular at your local dispo is as fun as being one at your favorite coffee shop — only instead of a free mocha, befriending the budtenders might get you a gram or two.
Many tend to have daily deals, as well as huge discounts on days like Friday the 13th and the famous 4/20, so check in with yours and see what they offer.
Now you’re ready to traverse through the trees of terpenes like a true adventurer.
I can’t wait to see what you pick out.
